Post Thoughts...

I still don't really understand what God was doing in my life this past year. I followed Him, even developed a stronger spiritual discipline and I still couldn't escape the pain that presented itself to me. I can understand the pain that comes from my own selfishness and sin, the kind that I can't avoid because I walked myself into it. How could life continue to be difficult as I dug deep to know Him as my everything?

And then it happened...

After Nepal and the events that occurred while I was there, I recognized that I had been prepared for what God had in store. I stood in front of a Nepali man and professed who Jesus was to me. I recounted the moments that were painful, confusing and lonely from the past few years and I told him the truth that I didn't know I actually believed. "I've never once been left alone, or ever fallen into the pit. There has never been a moment that I couldn't run to my Father and feel His love. Instead, my relationship with Jesus enables me to fight to choose love, grace and forgiveness. Life is hard sometimes, but I'm never without the steady guide of the all knowing, loving and sovereign God. He has been my constant strength, anchor, comforter and friend during all of my storms. And He continues to guide me through the twist and turns of my life..."

The Nepali man listened to the conviction in my voice and related to the pain that unites all of us as the human race. He understood that I really believed in a Savior who loved me enough to die for me. He saw it "in my eyes" and wanted to have "whatever it was that I had".

Even without my own sin, I still live in a fallen world that needs to know the grace and hope of the cross. I haven't found all the answers to this past year, but I can't doubt God's Sovereignty and plan in it. A "ruined year" in my eyes and a weary heart ended up providing the words that brought one Hindu man to faith in Christ. Without a doubt the Holy Spirit orchestrated the entire 2 hour meeting and guided me through sharing my faith. God used the very brokenness in me I resented to tell His story of redemption and grace.

So I say fight to feel everything, sit through the pain, patiently wait on the Lord and know that you are becoming a living witness of a life transformed by Christ. He doesn't waste our pain and like Elisabeth Elliot says, "Of one thing I am perfectly sure: God's story never ends with ashes".

Nepal comes to an end...

Martin, Matt and Allie - Communication team

Yesterday the office had a little surprise going away party, including a chocolate cake. They were so sweet and a lot of kind words were exchanged. It is so surreal that I'm actually leaving...Tomorrow!

Six weeks is not long at all, but from the beginning I adapted quickly. After a few weeks I was walking along, passing shops, people and suddenly it all became slightly "normal". I truly lived life in Nepal. 

"Are you going to come back?" I'm asked that daily...It's hard to answer that because I have no idea where I will be in the next year or two. One thing I know for sure is that right now my heart leaps to think of coming back to the states to work in churches to encourage church and community development. I've learned a lot about the importance of the church and community working together to meet needs. I've been fortunate to connect with other NGO's working towards that goal here in Nepal. 

I've realized through different conversations and experiences that it's a life style choice to live with and serve people. I life style choice that I hope to purse. I still feel the call to walk alongside others, helping carrying burdens and I still feel passionate about doing ministry with women. I feel as though now I'm coming away with more pieces to the puzzle. 

Who knows where God will take me from here, but I can trust that He knows. 

Now is the time to rest and let Him take the reigns. 

A sweet story

coffee time

Time is running out here in Nepal. Yesterday I was walking home from the office and could feel someone walking behind me, so naturally being the American-who-loves-her-personal-space, I sped up. The person behind me sped up as well and eventually we were walking next to each other. When I turned to see who was encroaching on my space, a sweet little voice said, "what's your name?" It was a little Nepali girl about 10 years old. 

We walked and talked for a few minutes, I asked her about school that day, she asked me how old I was, we talked about our favorite colors and anytime a white person walked by and a smile was exchanged, she asked if they were my friend. With which I always responded by saying, "strangers are friends that we just haven't met yet" to that she just giggled. 

As we turned the corner and she slowed down, I could tell that we were close to her house. She stopped walking and told me that she wanted to give me something. She took off her pink Barbie back pack and pulled out a piece of candy and handed it to me. I smiled and thanked her and we said our goodbyes. This little kind gesture had me smiling all the way back home.

This morning as I was walking to work, I passed the children's school and there were kids out on the playground. I heard a, "hiii! hiiii!" and looked over to see my little friend. We smiled and waved. I am so thankful for the little blessing and gifts that God generously gives us each day. 

As the day draws near that I will be leaving Nepal, I can't help but look back and recount my many blessings. Some of the toughest days and longest nights, have produced a new joy in me. Strange how God works sometimes, but the bottom line is that I am thankful. 

I can't wait to share God's goodness in Nepal, face-to-face. 

With love,

Susan

She chose love.

Amaa

How can someone ever trust 

in the existence of an unconditional divine love 

when most, if not all, of what he or she has experienced 

is the opposite of love - fear, hatred, violence, and abuse? 

 They are not condemned to be victims! 

 There remains within them, hidden as it may seem, 

the possibility to choose love. 

 Many people who have suffered the most horrendous rejections

and been subject to the most cruel torture

 are able to choose love. 

By choosing love they become witnesses 

not only to enormous human resiliency

 but also to the divine love that transcends all human loves. 

 Those who choose, even on a small scale, 

to love in the midst of hatred and fear 

are the people who offer true hope to our world.

Henri Nouwen 

Sanctified by glory and fire

I've been wrestling with this idea of being transformed. 

I don't want to be different, or weird. 

The sermon today was about transition and transformation. It was, of course, just what I needed to hear. And to my friends who graduated college in May and are searching for what's next, this is for you too.

I realized during church that my wrestle and struggle has been the 'refining by fire', handiwork of God himself. I've written in emails to friends that "I can't do this, I can't go to another country by myself and live. I can't do this." Their response, "But, you are doing it" is that gentle reminder to not forget that the Almighty is holding my hand each moment of each day. 

But we fear transformation, don't we? We fear change, we fear being uncomfortable... 

"The world enslaves us with fear; the Spirit frees us from that slavery and restores us to the true relationship. That is what Paul means when he says: "All who are guided by the Spirit of God are sons [daughters] of God, for what you received was not the spirit of slavery to bring you back into fear; you received the spirit of adoption, enabling us to cry out, 'Abba, Father!'" (Romans 8:15). Henri Nouwen

Change and transition presents us with difficult challenges, but its God's mercy to use it to transform us into who He needs us to be. Never does he leave us alone in it or will He lead us to our doom. He has called us by name and we are His. How glorious then is it to cry out to Him in our struggles? We can trust Him, with hearts that are confident in the truth that He plans to prosper us, not to harm us. 

I'm not sure if a caterpillar really enjoys the process of changing into a butterfly, but the end result is so worth it, isn't it? Whatever the difficulties and challenges we face, we do not face them alone and we can trust that He will be faithful to bring us through, more beautiful than before.  

At the end of the sermon, the pastor invited the church to repent, to trust the Lord and give our lives as a living sacrifice. I sure needed to ask the Lord to forgive me for fighting Him and for not thanking Him for transforming me into someone who reveals more of His beauty.

Keep on keeping on...

On my way to Pokhara, Nepal! The mountains were beautiful to drive through...

Visiting the patients in INF's Green Pastures hospital. These are two leprosy patients

Well, I'm coming closer to the end of my time here. With a little over 2 weeks left in Nepal, I'm feeling ready to come home.

But I'm not coming home just yet...Today I am in Pokhara and for the rest of this week, I will be working with the Partnership For Rehabilitation center. This is the part of INF that really displays God's beautiful work of reconciliation. Patients from the hospital with diseases or disabilities are normally not accepted in their communities because of their condition. Many of them come to the hospital bringing along with them a kind of rejection most of us will never experience. Because INF has one of the only (if not the only) leprosy ward for a large portion of Nepal, most of the patients are leprosy affected.

Leprosy deteriorates the nerve endings, which often causes a loss of feeling in their feet and hands. Because of the damaged nerves, hands get burns, fingers fall off, feet get ulcers and in some cases legs or arms have to be amputated. This results in the patient having a disability and major difficulty in providing for themselves or families. 

The bags that I sold to help raise money for my trip before I came were made by women in the rehabilitation handicraft center. I've seen the women and witnessed their hand woven craft being made in person! They're employed by PFR and have been trained in the craft. Another really cool part about the rehabilitation center is the farm. There's a farm on the grounds with chickens, water buffalo's, goats and gardens. Because 80% of Nepali people work in agriculture, INF created a place for the outpatients to integrate back into working in the fields. PFR also works with the government for the rights of people with disabilities and they educate community leaders to help break down stigma of disabilities.

It's great to see it all in person. And great to be living with a family who, both the wife and husband were patients in Green Pastures 30 some years ago...More on that story later!

I love and miss my family and friends, but especially my mom...

With all my heart,

Susan

In the office...

Hello Friends.

I thought I should share an update of what I have been learning and doing with INF. They have kept me busy most days and along with absorbing my surroundings and this new culture, I have been putting to use my (soon to be completed) marketing degree. 

I want to clarify a few things, because before I came to Nepal I had a picture - a glamorized perspective, of what life would look like here. I am such an idealistic-dreamer that at times it is to a fault! No, I am not Mother Theresa and I haven't been feeding the hungry or healing the sick.

What I am doing is very practical. It's only a small piece of the overall mission, but it is important. I've been learning that God works in big and small ways. The important thing to remember is that He is at work here in Nepal.

I am living in a large city, where there is Internet and restaurants that are safe for me to eat at, aside from a hole in the wall Indian place that got me sick. I live in a 3 story house, with other western Christians. I eat with a fork and drink filtered water out of a normal glass cup. Although there have been a few bug scares, vicious mosquito's, dirty streets covered in trash, smelly air and cows everywhere, it is as normal as normal gets, for Nepal that is...

Friend, Ashleigh and I at a restaurant in Thamel

Holy Cow! (catch the pun? hope so...)

I'm working towards helping INF have more of an engaging presence on the Internet as well as to provide new ways to share the amazing stories of the Nepali people. Recently, I've been exploring the communication options for INF, including Social Media. 

A power point presentation I gave to the department
 focusing on Facebook/Twitter improvements.

 Here in the communication department, Ali one of the graphic designers, has been working away at designing the cover and perfecting the typeface for an INF book written by Tom Hale. The book is being printed at this very moment! She and I visited the printers yesterday to make sure that everything was going along according to plans.

Ali checking out freshly printed pages of the book at the printers

Seeing her design come to life was exciting!

Matt, another valued colleague of the department and graphic designer/videographer has been editing a few short films that share crazy and amazing stories! I'm lucky to be an intern in this department, working with such professionals. I've had a few sneak peaks of the films and I am so excited for them to be finished and available for you all to watch.

Matt in the editing mode!

There are so many lives that are impacted through INF and this is the place where the stories are told and where they come alive. I feel blessed to be apart of it for these 6 weeks.

transforming

This past week I went about my day in Nepal feeling a bit more heavy than usual. I woke up at the normal time, did my Jillian Michael's workout, got ready for the day, made my egg sandwich and walked to the office.

Tears filled my eyes and the family that owns the spice shop didn't see the white B'deshi girl smiling like usual. Motor Bikes whipped past, honking their horns as usual and I kept my head down. I past the old women who faithfully rubs oils, lays her offering of fresh fruit and flowers at the foot of her Hindu god which sits on the side of the street in a mini temple and I didn't pray my usual plead for the Lord to show her true peace and abundant life. I spent the ten minutes it takes to get to the INF office talking to God about how crazy it was that I was finding it hard to smile. I asked him to help my heart that day.

I walked into the office, sat down, caught up on the 10 emails in my inbox, continued perfecting my presentation I was going to give later that day and at about half past ten, Roz the "member care" person for INF, came into our office and told me she was taking me to get coffee.

She's an Australian women probably in her fifties and has the kindest spirit. She of course asked all the pointed questions that had me telling her how I was wrestling with purpose, remembering the bitter remnants of the past months before I came and still utterly confused as to why I traveled across the world to come and live in Nepal for six weeks. 

Knowing in my heart that "I'm here because God told me so" is never a good enough reason for me to accept, I listened as she affirmed, empathized and shared some of her own story.  She reminded me of the truth...

"God's desire for us is to be like His Son. God has orchestrated you being in Nepal for the purpose of transforming you more into the likeness of Christ. That's why you are here." 

God heard my request earlier that morning and indeed had orchestrated our meeting. I'm realizing that it might not matter why I am here and what it means for my future, but what does matter is my response to everything that comes my way while I am here. Will I be faithful to listen to Him everyday? Will I daily run to be in His presence? Will I resist visiting the past and continue to follow Him? Will I walk worthy of the calling that He has faithfully laid before me? Will I help carry others burdens? Will I be a woman who is loving, kind, gracious and always willing to forgive? Will I respond to Isaiah 61:1?

There's a fire in my gut to run after His will, smiling like a fool and never once holding back compassion, empathy, mercy or grace. There is never a time to allow our feelings to keep us from being who we were made to be and certainly never from living like Christ. The Lord continues to open my eyes, to meet my needs and to bless me here in Nepal.

Hello Monsoon

When it rains, it rains. This was after a huge rain/hail storm. A friend and I were braving it after the storm, jumping over huge puddles, climbing up the sides of the walls...Pretty epic stuff

Vocation. 

I was certain before I came to Nepal, 

that I was way more sure of my purpose in life 

then most of my friends who were graduating. 

Maybe I came to Nepal with a chip on my shoulder, 

thinking I knew something about God's plan for my life 

and my poor college graduate friends didn't. 

The truth is, 

I couldn't tell you what God was doing this past semester, 

what He's going to do with tomorrow

and most certainly I cannot tell you what He has in store once I graduate.

I still wonder the purpose of the past 

just as much as I wonder the purpose of the now,

and oh goodness, do I wonder what purpose holds for me in the future.

Honestly, I have absolutely no idea the true purpose behind me being in Nepal.

What I do know is that I care a whole lot about not disappointing God.

I desire to be just as faithful as He is to me, 

and I'm desperate to keep following His will.

So here I stand, 

with a struggling heart eager to know His plans,

and feeling a bit undone by His silence. 

Isn't this where we all end up? 

One way or another, 

don't we all come to a place where the future is unknown?

And aren't we all faced with the choice 

to run in circles or 

be still and know that He is God?

But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit. - Jeremiah 17:7-8

Street Art

"The Bundh ruined my life"

This is an interesting time to be in Nepal because on May 27th the government is attempting to change their constitution. I don't claim to understand it all, but the different ethnic and political people groups around Nepal have been having bundh's, or strikes for the past few weeks. The attempt is to get the governments attention by closing down all the shops and not driving motor vehicles. What tends to happen as a result is the rural areas to the west are deprived of food because no one is traveling. In some areas they are on their 18th day of bundhs. Just imagine not being able to provide income for your family for more then 2 weeks!

There have been reports of people being threatened if they are out driving or if their shop is open and in some places buses have been blown up. To be clear, I am safe. Being a foreigner, I should be left alone. Also, Kathmandu is a large city and although major grocery stores have closed, the street markets and small vendors tend to be open. 

Never underestimate how important it is for people to feel like they have a voice and are being heard. I would think that's true of most people groups and countries. The street art above is done by a few artists around Kathmandu. A lot of the new art recently are about the government and the bundhs. That's one way to express your voice.

A picture of my daily life in Nepal

 My New Zealand friend, Miriam and I made dinner one night together. Potatoes, vegetables and curry spices. We felt pretty proud of ourselves. 

So there is a garden right outside of the guest house where most of us eat dinner or just hang out and talk at night. Although mosquito's here are vicious! 

 View from my balcony. Amidst the cluttered houses and broken down shacks, the mountains are beautiful.

 On my way to work...This place is like a whole other world.

Here's a little fact, women wear red when they are married.

I've got a little crush on one of the INF guards, he's studying to get his masters and he can't pronounce my name, so every day when he opens the gate for me he says, "Namaste Sujen"...which apparently is a boys name here. Ha! So far, I've caught him singing to himself pretending that he was holding a microphone. What a cutie :)

A life update...I recently got a stomach bug probably from eating something or from the water in the shower. It was the most painful experience ever. I will spare you the details. The INF office jokes that I've successfully passed culture test # 1...I'm pretty sure I freaked out my mom, because I skyped her and looked near death! Anyway, I'm feeling much better now, so thank God! 

This organization that I'm working for is doing so much for the sick and disabled in Nepal. It's an organization worth knowing and supporting. I would definitely make a visit to their website to see frequent article updates of some Nepali people with amazing stories! (INF website) 

I've been learning about people with leprosy or severe disabilities traveling days to get to the INF hospital and carrying with them the rejection and abandonment from loved ones because of their conditions. It is simply heart breaking. There is a lot of injustice and evil that goes generations back from religious traditions. It's hard as a western Christian to wrap your mind around it. 

I read a story about a woman with an ovarian cyst the size of a volleyball. She was seen by an INF nurse who told the husband that his wife needed immediate medical care. The nurse had thought that she had persuaded the husband to make the journey to the hospital, but the husband was told to consult a witch doctor, who told the husband that the growth on his wife's abdomen was an evil spirit and they must get rid of it. The woman was then jumped on until the growth on her abdomen was no longer there. The jumping caused the cyst to burst and resulted in internal bleeding leading to the woman's death. The INF nurse heard women wailing as she was walking past the home and walked into the yard to find the lifeless body. It's a mixture of ignorance and evil. Those type of stories are what I'm learning about, it's uncomfortable and hard to fathom. 

Day 3 - Some more photo's

 The foreigners call this road "Sheep street" because of the sheep that often roam around. This is the road I take to get to the office. 

 Welcome to my desk, I get to see lots of interesting people outside my window because it overlooks a side street. 

 Tea time at 10AM and again at 2PM is made and brought up to the office by two really sweet office helpers named Dasami and Devika. They also cook lunch for the office on Fridays, so today we ate rice with sweet and sour pork. It was very Mitho (tasty)...