transforming

This past week I went about my day in Nepal feeling a bit more heavy than usual. I woke up at the normal time, did my Jillian Michael's workout, got ready for the day, made my egg sandwich and walked to the office.

Tears filled my eyes and the family that owns the spice shop didn't see the white B'deshi girl smiling like usual. Motor Bikes whipped past, honking their horns as usual and I kept my head down. I past the old women who faithfully rubs oils, lays her offering of fresh fruit and flowers at the foot of her Hindu god which sits on the side of the street in a mini temple and I didn't pray my usual plead for the Lord to show her true peace and abundant life. I spent the ten minutes it takes to get to the INF office talking to God about how crazy it was that I was finding it hard to smile. I asked him to help my heart that day.

I walked into the office, sat down, caught up on the 10 emails in my inbox, continued perfecting my presentation I was going to give later that day and at about half past ten, Roz the "member care" person for INF, came into our office and told me she was taking me to get coffee.

She's an Australian women probably in her fifties and has the kindest spirit. She of course asked all the pointed questions that had me telling her how I was wrestling with purpose, remembering the bitter remnants of the past months before I came and still utterly confused as to why I traveled across the world to come and live in Nepal for six weeks. 

Knowing in my heart that "I'm here because God told me so" is never a good enough reason for me to accept, I listened as she affirmed, empathized and shared some of her own story.  She reminded me of the truth...

"God's desire for us is to be like His Son. God has orchestrated you being in Nepal for the purpose of transforming you more into the likeness of Christ. That's why you are here." 

God heard my request earlier that morning and indeed had orchestrated our meeting. I'm realizing that it might not matter why I am here and what it means for my future, but what does matter is my response to everything that comes my way while I am here. Will I be faithful to listen to Him everyday? Will I daily run to be in His presence? Will I resist visiting the past and continue to follow Him? Will I walk worthy of the calling that He has faithfully laid before me? Will I help carry others burdens? Will I be a woman who is loving, kind, gracious and always willing to forgive? Will I respond to Isaiah 61:1?

There's a fire in my gut to run after His will, smiling like a fool and never once holding back compassion, empathy, mercy or grace. There is never a time to allow our feelings to keep us from being who we were made to be and certainly never from living like Christ. The Lord continues to open my eyes, to meet my needs and to bless me here in Nepal.