Trust

The weakest part of life can become the strongest part of our faith.

His faithfulness endures forever.

Legacy - Selma Alabama

Charles F. Vatterott pictured left, in line about to board a plane to Selma, AL

I've been thinking about legacy's this morning.

The kind that you are born into and the kind that you leave behind.

50 years ago my grandfather made it possible for an airplane full of nuns and priests to be apart of standing against inequality and marching for civil rights in Selma, Alabama.  

Growing up I was told stories about my grandfather's involvement in the civil rights movement, but mostly I was told about his character. 

He was a family man who believed in putting God and his family first. 

He was an entrepreneur who built homes not for white or black people, but for families. He believed that having a large family was courageous and that it honored God. Actually, the more children you had, the less you had to pay for a home. 

He loved the game of golf and opened the first golf course in the midwest that allowed both blacks and whites to golf. He believed in equality especially when it came to education and helped start Cardinal Ritter High School in St. Louis. He believed in giving generously and he and his brother started the Vatterott Foundation, a charitable foundation that I am apart of today.

I'm not sure if Charlie realized at the time the weight of the legacy that he would leave behind, 

but it has left a lasting impact. 

I've always been impressed with his character and even more with his willingness to act on his convictions and beliefs. 

There are so many times that I sit back, instead of stand up for what is truly important. 

The biggest impact his legacy has left on me is the challenge to always stand for what is right and to act on my convictions and beliefs. 

He left pretty large shoes to fill. 

I hope that someday my legacy leaves such a lasting impact. 

Trusting

Finding peace through patience.

Let go of seeing "the big picture," the unknowns, the future.

And be liberated by choosing to trust, have faith and surrender.

Whispers of Profound Truth

Truth realized 

is the beginning of restoring a heart that has fallen away.

And He woos me

with the truth 

of my shortcomings

&

the infallible grace

that He relentlessly 

extends to me.

His truth, 

light & love 

will always

pale in comparison 

to the remedies of this world.

And yet,

I will not

always choose 

to see it.

help me to have eyes to see

Beauty.

More transition.

Home again,

Home again

Jiggety-jig.

After being away (for the most part) for 5 years, I'm excited to move back home to Saint Louis. It's where I've always wanted to end up and where I want to plant my roots. 

In all senses of the word, it is home. So, I'm packing up and leaving Dallas behind. 

I'm so thankful to have had this time here. The relationships that I've made and the growth that I've had, where all so necessary for my transition after college. I will always think of my Dallas family and remember the amazing, god-fearing people who have invited me to their tables and offered authentic community in a strange new city. 

I've come to the realization that there is nothing like community. 

And the sweetest gift to give and receive is ourselves. 

Our time, our presence, our words and our touch. 

No material possession can ever suffice to fill what authentic and true fellowship offers. 

I'm excited to build new relationships, create new authentic fellowship and contribute to a new faith community.

Let love be genuine...

There's a saying that goes, 

"Be kind
for everyone
you meet is
fighting a hard battle". 

Despite the fact that I've seen that quote way over pinned on Pinterest, there is truth to it isn't there? 

Sometimes its hard to be kind or to love others well, because it takes forgetting yourself and focusing on others. 

Another 'this is reality' moment; Life is not about me.  

What breaks that selfish cycle is the raw encounter with a person who loves genuinely and well. 

And what is becoming so incredibly clear to me, is the reality of broken people who are fighting battles in a broken world. Even as I type this I get a rushing sensation to exclude myself from these "broken people" who are "fighting battles" and live in a "broken world".

Why is that?

Pride. 

I'm not broken. My life is put together. Everything under control over here. Those poor other people... 

No, I am broken just like you. We share our humanity with one another and we are united in the truth of the fall; Not one of us escaped the repercussions of sin. Therefore, we live as broken individuals in a dysfunctional world. This is what makes Calvary so sweet and the hope in Jesus so real.

And sometimes it's the raw (and rare) encounters of genuine love from others that comforts me in my brokenness. Gives me hope in fighting my battles and reminds me that I'm not alone in this broken world.

You never know the blessing, hope and courage you can give to another fellow broken person, by simply forgetting yourself for a moment and being kind.

Romans 12:9 

Let ahavah (agape) be without tzevi’ut (hypocrisy). Hate what is haRah (evil/dysfunctional), be devoted to what is tov(good/functional).

In other words....

Let your love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good.

What Life Is Really Like

We watched the sunset over the glistening lake, sitting on a bench perfectly tucked underneath a billowing tree and listened to the birds chirp and geese splash around in the water.

The evening was so romantic and I was sitting next to....my friend Erin. 

She and I laughed at how ironic it seemed for two 23 year old girls to be sharing such a romantic scenery. She wasn't sitting with some hunk of a man, just me, a fellow twenty-something female trying to grasp her bearings in a new city too.

It was one of those sarcastic - bantering moments that brought about more laughter when we processed out loud what life after college really looks like. 

From spontaneous sand volleyball matches with groups of eight or more friends, waking up at 5AM to get free pancakes from Denny's, camping in the woods, throwing dance parties and raves in the library during finals week... to now discussing what t.v. shows we're watching. We laughed when I excitedly shared that I found a good show on Netflix that had SIX seasons, "My social life is set for at least eight weeks". 

I'm glad we could laugh about it, because post grad life hasn't been an easy transition for any of us. Being in your twenties is harder than I thought it would ever be, and college really was "the best time of my life", as my dad told me it would be as I moved into my dorm room freshman year. 

We joked about starting a blog where we documented the funny and ironic realities of post grad life. Specifically how leaving our small, Christian liberal arts university and entering the big bad world has continued to glean many "this is reality" moments. 

Our blog: The new adventures and exciting discoveries of post-grads living in Dallas, Texas! 

Featuring the things that really excite us like, receiving a text message saying, "Hey, raspberries are on sale at Kroger for 99 cents!",  being excited about waking up before 7AM to watch Good Morning America and discovering a new dating world. 

It would be a huge hit! 

Our sunset conversation turned serious however, when we talked about the fact that we're not doing grandiose things with our lives. I was a nanny and now looking for a job, Erin works in admissions at a seminary and Lauren is an office manager at a marketing agency. 

We're not starting orphanages in Africa, or taking the corporate world by storm by changing business for the better.

We are just one of many post graduates, worried about paying off student loans, trying to make friends in a new city, figuring out who we are in this environment and hoping for our futures. 

It's truly a humbling stage in life and even if Erin isn't "cool" for working at a seminary and I fit the recent college graduate statistic that hasn't found a job yet, our worth and abilities aren't defined by job titles (or by having one). 

And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. Colossians 3:17

The fact is that the way we live our lives matters to this world. Our message, matters. To serve and live for Jesus you don't have to have a grand job title. It takes humility and surrender to His will, His way. 

We just might miss out on the greatest work of our lives if we become too concerned about what others think and how little it seems we are doing to make a difference.

Our university brought in speakers from around the world to talk about XYZ organization that they started, famous authors and business men and women to inspire and encourage the young generation to make a difference in our world.

What about the twenty-something alumna's who work entry level jobs, volunteer to teach Sunday school and still live with their parents. Aren't they making a difference, just by choosing to serve Jesus wherever He has them?

Yes, they are.

We are called to live as His representatives, whether you're working at your dream job or a fast food restaurant. Give thanks and whatever you do, do it all to the best of your ability for His glory. 

Words to heed...

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

Proverbs 25:11

Be still and know that I Am God

"Where can I find rest?
Not in accomplishments

  Forget this striving I am done, 

  I want to find rest in the Son"

 Matt Musgrave

Life Together

“We must be ready 

to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God. 

God will be constantly crossing our paths and

 canceling our plans by sending us people 

with claims and petitions.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer 

Something about horses

"Keep your (horse) blinders on, and stay the course" 

Authentic

Leaving college has altered my perspective

on life, love, God and myself.

I moved away from the community I 

couldn't bear to leave,

and found that my relationship with God

has become the most authentic

than it's ever been.

I'm no longer insecure in my relationship with Him.

I feel a pulse beating strong;

He is mine

and I am His.

When feelings of failure, 

fear of disappointment,

and the acknowledgment of own depravity mock me, 

I no longer feel the need to put myself in time-out for God.

I don't feel the need to tell God how useless or imprefect I am. 

To spend time feeling weighted by guilt

because although I love Him,

I haven't spent time with Him daily. 

I don't need to carry that weight. 

Because unlike human relationships,

I am friends with One who relates

perfectly. 

He knows, and I know

that my depravity, sin and dependence in Him

will never thwart His faithfulness. 

I feel confident 

that He's not going anywhere

and my love for Him

is not something that's going to fade overnight.

This is real. 

Time spent being known 

and knowing Him is precious.

A value and desire that 

I know will be here for as long as I am His. 

Nothing can separate us. 

I will always come back to Him

He will never leave me or forsake me. 

Be brave and go.

I'm sitting in Newark, NJ airport. I'm so thankful to all my friends and family who support me. I cannot even describe what it meant to receive texts and phone calls before I boarded my flight from Saint Louis. 

"Do you feel like your heart is ready and where you wanted it to be?" Erin asked me today...I don't even know if it matters at this point. I couldn't bear to leave JBU with messes and that's what I was praying against. Things seemed to sort themselves out between friends, but still things linger. 

This was not a trip I planned on since I was in high school, its not even something I planned and wanted to go on a year ago. I realized as I was walking through the airport to find gate C110 that I not only love to travel, but I'm going on this trip because I'm supposed to. 

"This isn't your trip, Susan"....Erin's right. I'm excited about that because I know that means so much more then I could ever imagine is in store. God works in small and big ways. I'm expecting to come face to face with Him every day while I am in Nepal. 

So, here is my trip Lord. Your will be done.

Dancing

3 weeks. It's funny because people keep asking me if I'm more excited or nervous. My answer is complicated. The two seem to be caught in a tango and I'm not sure who is leading who. As we dance, my feelings and I, the sense that this 6 week trip is more than just a trip keeps cutting in. Whenever I get nervous and worry (the unfortunate dance partner with sweaty palms) I tell myself that its just 6 weeks and then everything will pick up from where we left it. But something lingers and my "knower" knows that what the Lord has been showing and revealing to me all along has brought Nepal into its full fruition for specific and important reasons at this time.

So, am I excited? Yes! Am I nervous? Absolutely. One of my friends said to me once, "we only fear the future because of the unknowns, but not knowing is a good thing." We don't know whats coming, but we can know and be confident in what to anticipate, because we know Who holds all things.

Feel His love, know His truth and trust Him...