Sanctified by glory and fire

I've been wrestling with this idea of being transformed. 

I don't want to be different, or weird. 

The sermon today was about transition and transformation. It was, of course, just what I needed to hear. And to my friends who graduated college in May and are searching for what's next, this is for you too.

I realized during church that my wrestle and struggle has been the 'refining by fire', handiwork of God himself. I've written in emails to friends that "I can't do this, I can't go to another country by myself and live. I can't do this." Their response, "But, you are doing it" is that gentle reminder to not forget that the Almighty is holding my hand each moment of each day. 

But we fear transformation, don't we? We fear change, we fear being uncomfortable... 

"The world enslaves us with fear; the Spirit frees us from that slavery and restores us to the true relationship. That is what Paul means when he says: "All who are guided by the Spirit of God are sons [daughters] of God, for what you received was not the spirit of slavery to bring you back into fear; you received the spirit of adoption, enabling us to cry out, 'Abba, Father!'" (Romans 8:15). Henri Nouwen

Change and transition presents us with difficult challenges, but its God's mercy to use it to transform us into who He needs us to be. Never does he leave us alone in it or will He lead us to our doom. He has called us by name and we are His. How glorious then is it to cry out to Him in our struggles? We can trust Him, with hearts that are confident in the truth that He plans to prosper us, not to harm us. 

I'm not sure if a caterpillar really enjoys the process of changing into a butterfly, but the end result is so worth it, isn't it? Whatever the difficulties and challenges we face, we do not face them alone and we can trust that He will be faithful to bring us through, more beautiful than before.  

At the end of the sermon, the pastor invited the church to repent, to trust the Lord and give our lives as a living sacrifice. I sure needed to ask the Lord to forgive me for fighting Him and for not thanking Him for transforming me into someone who reveals more of His beauty.

transforming

This past week I went about my day in Nepal feeling a bit more heavy than usual. I woke up at the normal time, did my Jillian Michael's workout, got ready for the day, made my egg sandwich and walked to the office.

Tears filled my eyes and the family that owns the spice shop didn't see the white B'deshi girl smiling like usual. Motor Bikes whipped past, honking their horns as usual and I kept my head down. I past the old women who faithfully rubs oils, lays her offering of fresh fruit and flowers at the foot of her Hindu god which sits on the side of the street in a mini temple and I didn't pray my usual plead for the Lord to show her true peace and abundant life. I spent the ten minutes it takes to get to the INF office talking to God about how crazy it was that I was finding it hard to smile. I asked him to help my heart that day.

I walked into the office, sat down, caught up on the 10 emails in my inbox, continued perfecting my presentation I was going to give later that day and at about half past ten, Roz the "member care" person for INF, came into our office and told me she was taking me to get coffee.

She's an Australian women probably in her fifties and has the kindest spirit. She of course asked all the pointed questions that had me telling her how I was wrestling with purpose, remembering the bitter remnants of the past months before I came and still utterly confused as to why I traveled across the world to come and live in Nepal for six weeks. 

Knowing in my heart that "I'm here because God told me so" is never a good enough reason for me to accept, I listened as she affirmed, empathized and shared some of her own story.  She reminded me of the truth...

"God's desire for us is to be like His Son. God has orchestrated you being in Nepal for the purpose of transforming you more into the likeness of Christ. That's why you are here." 

God heard my request earlier that morning and indeed had orchestrated our meeting. I'm realizing that it might not matter why I am here and what it means for my future, but what does matter is my response to everything that comes my way while I am here. Will I be faithful to listen to Him everyday? Will I daily run to be in His presence? Will I resist visiting the past and continue to follow Him? Will I walk worthy of the calling that He has faithfully laid before me? Will I help carry others burdens? Will I be a woman who is loving, kind, gracious and always willing to forgive? Will I respond to Isaiah 61:1?

There's a fire in my gut to run after His will, smiling like a fool and never once holding back compassion, empathy, mercy or grace. There is never a time to allow our feelings to keep us from being who we were made to be and certainly never from living like Christ. The Lord continues to open my eyes, to meet my needs and to bless me here in Nepal.

Hello Monsoon

When it rains, it rains. This was after a huge rain/hail storm. A friend and I were braving it after the storm, jumping over huge puddles, climbing up the sides of the walls...Pretty epic stuff

Vocation. 

I was certain before I came to Nepal, 

that I was way more sure of my purpose in life 

then most of my friends who were graduating. 

Maybe I came to Nepal with a chip on my shoulder, 

thinking I knew something about God's plan for my life 

and my poor college graduate friends didn't. 

The truth is, 

I couldn't tell you what God was doing this past semester, 

what He's going to do with tomorrow

and most certainly I cannot tell you what He has in store once I graduate.

I still wonder the purpose of the past 

just as much as I wonder the purpose of the now,

and oh goodness, do I wonder what purpose holds for me in the future.

Honestly, I have absolutely no idea the true purpose behind me being in Nepal.

What I do know is that I care a whole lot about not disappointing God.

I desire to be just as faithful as He is to me, 

and I'm desperate to keep following His will.

So here I stand, 

with a struggling heart eager to know His plans,

and feeling a bit undone by His silence. 

Isn't this where we all end up? 

One way or another, 

don't we all come to a place where the future is unknown?

And aren't we all faced with the choice 

to run in circles or 

be still and know that He is God?

But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit. - Jeremiah 17:7-8