Music brings me back to places, seasons and moments in life that hold significance.
"And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up."
I remember the first time I listened to Mumford and Son's, "After the Storm". It was the end of sophomore year and I was packing up my room. It was one in the morning and one of my best friends, Grace fell asleep on my futon keeping me company. I remember she wanted to listen to this song on repeat...so as she slept and I packed up the end of a chapter in life, this song played and played and played. It's my favorite Mumford song, probably because I listened to it so many times and the lyrics eventually began to resonate within me. In a lot of ways, it helped me process a difficult semester.
You see, I didn't have a heart full of grace and there was nothing beautiful about my attitude, there were no flowers in my hair....I ventured to a place where my heart really did begin to rot, and I was full of bitterness and hatred. I lashed out that summer, feeling like I didn't have anything to loose. What I once had was then tainted and I thought I had lost value. Value in life, value in heart and value in beauty. How wrong I was and little did I know, God had so much in store for me that summer. He placed a unique desire in my heart for beauty. Beauty in life, and beauty in me. I've been on that quest ever since...
I've found that in the middle of a storm my prayer is always the same, "make me apart of something beautiful...I want to be apart of something beautiful, God".
This song holds a different meaning to me today. I can see how beautiful it is when our hearts are full of grace rather then bitterness. I want that perspective, even when the storm tempts my flesh to lash out.
I feel the weight of the opportunities before me; To please Him or to please my flesh. And then I'm reminded of the command to love. Somehow those fleshly desires melt away when you're obedient and you choose love. Keeping yourself in a constant state of surrender is hard, but necessary.
"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair"