I found myself in conversation with God, having been fully aware of the list of my most recent mistakes, all I could think of was how sorry I was for my humanness. We often times avoid pushing ourselves deep into the place where the root of our sin lies. Naturally, we resist that type of vulnerability for a number of different reasons. It's there that we face our decisions, it's almost like our messy life is projected onto a jumbo screen and there's no avoiding it any longer. Once you've encountered your sin, the reality of it won't ever leave you. You're left with a reality that stings, feels uncomfortable and all the fingers are pointed back onto yourself. The regret and grief you're left with when you see the depravity of your own reality weighs so heavily on your heart, that you're finally in the place where you need saving and nothing has looked so sweet. So you pick up your feet and start running towards Him. When you get there the embrace of the One who loved you before you came into the world, is the most satisfying moment in your precious life. God loved you before you even existed, He loves you with a capacity so foreign to man that it makes us feel uncomfortable. He put you here on this earth for a short while, so you could have the chance to say "I love you too".
That's why this life is so worth living. That's why when we make mistakes, not only is there forgiveness and redemption, but an eternal love that could never be lessened, shaken or broken.
Although pushing myself to the place where the depravity of my sin rings throughout every inch of me is the most uncomfortable place to be in, there is something so much bigger then ourselves to be gained there. I would never experience just how loved I really am, grace would never be real to me, my faith wouldn't be my own, and I wouldn't see just how badly I need a Savior.
However painful it is, I'm never regretful of a visit to that place of reality and redemption.