March 3, 2010
Throw out my attitude, it still stinks. I am a work in progress. I'm still battling the "I don't give a rats ass about everyone" attitude. Those words are so foreign to who I am. Those words are anything but me. But what have I gained from life and others? Being honest, caring and loving makes you weak and susceptible to hurt. How many times have I personally or seen others, when after getting hurt, turn around and say "Ha, whatev. I don't care, they're just assholes who are [fill in the blank]I don't need them." I have spent so much of my efforts forcing myself to believe or at least abide by that attitude. Somehow if I pretend that I don't care, I won't. So what really happens? Bitterness my friend, its dangerous stuff. It creeps in hardens your heart and leaves you stone cold. Suddenly unable to remember what really you feel. Fortunately, God is much bigger then that. THANK THE LORD. Or else I would be screwed. The one thing that I hope people grow to appreciate about me is the one thing I tried to diminish. I have a heart with a capacity for love.
If I could communicate so eloquently the importance of my realization tonight, I would. This picture describes my heart. And for all you cynical joy killers out there, just let me have my moment.