When all is said and done,
there are still unknowns and questions
that consume me,
forcing me to make a choice.
I thought a lot this weekend. If I'm being honest, I questioned God's character and finally found myself fallen on my knees. All of my questions formulated a big enough load that I could no longer handle the weight on my own two feet. There's this huge knot in my stomach, lump in my throat and crease in my forehead that I can't seem to find words for their explanation. I can't quite define it. Perhaps it is all my fear, anxiety, confusion, doubt, hope, heart desire and will, all piled into one nasty sandwich. Lunch is served; No thanks!
Where do your fears, confusion, hopes and desires lead you? I found myself retreating and almost ducking from my own self-created tension. I thought if I took one more bite of that nasty sandwich, I would have to face something I don't want to. I told God, oh goodness, not this again. I'm just going to close my eyes real tight and you tell me when it's safe to open, okay?
Have you ever asked God what He wanted from you? I asked that this weekend. In the midst of my melt down the Lord spoke to me, Stand on me and me alone. It is my character that you can trust, let me hold everything else safely in my care. I am who I say I am. You can stand on me.
I was honest with God today. I told him the truth about what I want. This past week I was yearning to yearn for more of Him, and making claims about where I was and where I was going. It was by God's grace that I was knocked off my feet and forced to recognize that He is my rock and all I need is to stand on Him. He will be faithful to lead me where I need to go, when I need to go there.