March 18, 2012

fragile hearts.

"All eyes look to You and You give them their food at the proper time. You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of ever living thing." Psalm 145:15-16
The ocean water lapped against my feet as I sat listening to a song on repeat today on the beach, "Come to me, come to me, come to me". I woke up this morning and sat out on the balcony over looking the ocean and read in the Psalms. I wrote in my journal the same words over and over again; "What are you saying to me today? I want to hear you".

I've been on a pursuit of him ever since I got back from Ireland and it's only led me deeper in relationship with him. I'm still searching for his heart. I want to know it badly. I want our hearts to be aligned, to beat one together. I want his will for my life. I'm insecure though and I fear his actions in my life. There is one thing that I know to be true, fear builds walls not bridges. Recently I've discovered the freedom that comes with transparency. It goes against the very fabric of mankind to divulge struggles, fears and desires. We constantly fear rejection of others and God. There is something so precious about a person admitting to their brokenness and there is blessing in sharing it. It's what community, fellowship, life-together is all about; being open about your own poverty and sharing it with others. Its how God created his body, I believe.

I want to be a minister of his reconciliation around the world as he has called us to and it starts with me. What a mess my life can feel like at times. There is so much I can't seem to control or even anticipate. Its perfect, I guess. He wants me to trust him with all that I am. He's left me no choice

and it all feels so fragile...

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